Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
