Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
