I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
