someone threw a dead crab at me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
