well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
