things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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