therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
