Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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