His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
