I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
