ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
