birth control should be required to get into college
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
