does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
