my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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