So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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