she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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