My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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