youre lurking in front of me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
