I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
