so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
