im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
