did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
