I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
