There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Quick, to the slutcave!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
