eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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