i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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