he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
