If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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