Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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