thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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