dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
