I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
