i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
