Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He shit in the fireplace
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
