Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
