what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
