Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
