I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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