The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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