I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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