Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
