All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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