She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
