update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
BRING THE BAGELS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
