Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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