Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
