Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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