Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
