Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
