Midget sex pt 2 tonight
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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