Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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